Your Sexual Prime

Recently I’ve been teaching a lot on pleasure.

Something I’ve noticed with clients that come in to learn is this sense of apology, a self deprecating shame of the sort that a middle aged clumsy, overweight and insecure person would sometimes have when walking into a cross fit gym or beginning figure skating lessons.

The idea that they’re “past their prime”  and it’s almost silly to want to improve their sex life so badly that they’re actually seeking help for it. At their age.  Maybe they’re just deluding themselves.

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH

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Sexual prime is popularly defined in a couple of different ways, one is how many ejaculations a man can have in how short of a period of time, and for women it’s orgasmic releases.  Since men perform this task best around 18 years old, and women tend to be better at orgasming in their 30s due to knowing their body better and feeling less insecure) there is this misconception that a man’s prime is at 18 and a woman’s in her late 30s.  A female’s prime is also defined as when she is most fertile, and when she is more desirable to men sexually (which men?) so between 17-24 years old. I’m not going to refer to anything because you can google and find evidence to support any opinion that exists.  So, I’d venture to say most of you have heard these ones at least once, from somewhere. ​

​To me…prime would be when you’re most able to experience and engage in pleasure. This has nothing to do with age, appearance, how many times you can release your erotic energy in a short period of time.  Actually, I believe that riding the waves of sexual energy is far more pleasurable than releasing it as quickly as possible. Therefore, any person has the potential to increase how embodied they are as long as they have the ability to be present and focus, pleasure and erotic capacity can be increased and enjoyed and like any practice, you get out of it what you put in to it.  You can put it aside and pay attention to other things, then come back to it… not having lost it forever. With age comes maturity, willingness, time, the patience to pay attention, the ability to appreciate MORE in yourself and your lover. 
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Cultivate an attitude of curiosity, of gratitude for the pleasure your body can feel, and the questions - how much more pleasure can I feel?  How much more pleasure can I help my lover feel?  Your prime is yet to be experienced. Or maybe you’re in it now.  I propose you should redefine it as your Sensual Prime, and with it the attitude of  "I don’t have time for those denigrating judgments or insecurities, I’m too busy playing with ecstasy in my sensual prime." Go ahead, put down the baggage.  You’re more than enough. ​