Not a particularly sexy topic, but one I feel is important.
And in light of my subject matter -- family stress is immensely draining and does your libido no favours. How can you feel sexy when your mind is on someone whose behaviour is driving you nuts?
Releasing the past, choosing your present, and creating your future can lead to ease and happiness around your family, and make the best of your family relationships.
Every one of use has a familial circle around us, some we choose and others we do not. It would be fantastic if we had a wonderful time and truly enjoyed being around all of our family members, but chances are, there is at least one who drives you bat shit crazy. Chances are also that this conflict leads to a cascade of negative emotions. The initial triggered emotions that they elicit, which are always over the top after having built up for so many years, guilt for the negative feelings you have towards them (especially when it's a parental figure who may not have long left to live), anger at them for not being easier to get along with, and everything else that you are holding on to over what they have or have not done in the past.
Memories buried alive never die. You can behave a certain way to keep gatherings civilized, but that does not change the undercurrents. This begs the question, how do you make the most of a difficult relationship?
What must be done is to first and foremost run a protocol ot release any and all past angers, sadness, resentments, triggers, pain, shame, guilt, and emotional responses to things that have happened, so that you can start with a clean slate. When I say any and all, I truly mean any and all. This includes detraumatization for any event in the past that you may be holding on to. Hands down, the best way to do this is through emotional freedom technique, and or trancework/hypnosis. A favourite of mine is EFT followed up with Mindscaping.
Then, acknowledge and accept that a particular person is as they are, and no amount of emotional agony on your part is going to change them. Feeling bad about this is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die. Be ok with this. Figure out what it is that you want to enjoy about them, what you can enjoy and appreciate, and make the decision that whilst the relationship may not be a fully integrated one, you can truly choose to enjoy that person for what there is, and let go of the rest.
Caveat: I am not condoning turning a blind eye to terrible things currently happening that need to be stopped. Rather, for the sake of personal happiness, choosing only to interact with certain aspects of a person that you have already chosen to keep in your life. I also feel that this should not be used for spouses or primary relationships – but for others who are at more of a distance. Parents, siblings, or more removed family members.
Now that you're choosing to interact with this person in a positive light, you can use the EFT protocol to deal with anything that may come up in the moment, rather than allowing it to build. You'll find that after having released the past, you will not be triggered as much as you were. Please understand that this is not “letting them off the hook.” What it is, is making your life better, making you happier, and a gift to yourself. Give yourself the gift of emotional freedom, and take back the power you've given to others to make you feel bad.
Note: There is a lot to be said for family dynamics, and if abuse (emotional or physical) is a current problem then you need to talk to someone now to empower you to put an end to it. Remember, abuse is not only physical, and that emotional abuse is often not visible to others and easy for the perpetrator to deny.
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