How to Upgrade Your Partner: Enjoy High Levels of Natural Attraction

Diminished levels of sexual attraction is something that many people experience, especially in long term relationships.  Even people who married the perfect 10 of their high school fantasies, find that 10 has changed over the years due to children, the natural effects of aging, weight fluctuations, others were never blessed with extreme good looks to begin with.

As a sexual consultant I have heard every variant of complaint over not finding a partner “as exciting”  that there is.  It is used as the complainer’s good reason that they:  fantasize about others, look at pornography, visit sexual service providers, have affairs, or simply do not pay sexual attention to their partner, as well as why their sexual performance is diminished

I’d like to give a heads up:  this is a downward spiral that does not end until you get off of it completely.  You are responsible for what you are responsive to.  Take a minute and reread that sentence again.  Everything that you do sexually trains your brain and your body to respond MORE to what you are doing.  So, if you consistently use specific stimuli that is NOT your partner you will train yourself to respond to that, instead of him or her.  If you consistently use your partner to create incredible erotic and emotionally intense love making sessions your partner will be that high level erotic stimuli.   Bottom line?  If you want to find your spouse attractive, stop using others to get you turned on and especially to masturbate or ejaculate to.  Completely stop. If you cannot, consider that you may have a degree of sexual addiction, and that you should maybe take a look at your relationship, and notice what damage your lack of commitment to it’s integrity has created.

Second.  Take a good look at (or bring to mind) your partner and notice what stands out?  If you immediately thought of the ways that your partner is appealing to you, and only that, good for you.  You find your partner compelling and attractive.  If their faults or flaws came to mind, you have some work to do.  Beauty is in perception, not perfection.  It is your job to perceive the person that you CHOSE to be with as the most attractive person you know.  I did not say the most perfect person you know, I said the most ATTRACTIVE.   Make a list of every single thing that is nice, enjoyable, appealing, sexy and compelling about your partner.  After you have made the list read each thing and vividly bring to mind that thing, and how good it makes you feel.  This is not an exercise to ignore, it is powerful and if you do it will create change.  I challenge you to do this every day for one week and report back to me what your results are! 

Your conscious mind is only capable of holding approximately 7 pieces of information in it’s attention at one time.  Choose these wisely.  If you are holding pieces of information that indicate to you that your mate is attractive and that you find enjoyable, and you do that as a habit, you have trained yourself to be extremely attracted to your partner for your partner’s real and valuable qualities, the ones that make them the person that you love and choose to stay with.  

Your brain is plastic, that means changeable.  Be mindful of what you do and how you train it’s response. Make choices which support and improve your relationships and enhance your sexual and sensual response, rather than choices which damage and diminish your relationship and connection with your partner.  If you shift your way of seeing people, specifically your partner, from noticing their flaws and errors to noticing what you love and find sexy and attractive, you will enjoy natural high levels of attraction and pave the way to higher levels of arousal.

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