Initially this was to be about why men love breasts, and how to create orgasms through nipple stimulation. However, the whys are not interesting to me, and the how was already done in this sweet article, so I changed course.
This is about making the most of the breasts in your relationship. Whilst breasts receive a tremendous amount of attention in the media and in daily life, their potential is vastly underutilized in terms of pleasure and I would say in enhancing a relationship, bringing a couple closer together, emotionally.
Breasts can give incredible amounts of pleasure to the women they are attached to. The majority of sexual response comes from the mind-body connection, so if this is not adequately developed it can be, to the point of reaching orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. A very strong arousal response can be cultivated through repeated positive erotic experiences that build on each other, and enhanced through meditative practices (coming soon: breast meditation, and hypnosis). This positive re-enforcement is important! I've noticed that there are a lot of lousy touchers out there, men who are lazy, impatient, crude and who grope with no sensitivity for the female body. They seem the believe that it consists of a mechanical series of on switches to be run through before running us through with their skewer.
Repeated bad experiences, emotional or physical, cause the body to protect itself and close down, therefore not being open to pleasure, or at least not much. This is why a good lover gets better over time, he opens you up like a flower creating more intense results as he goes and developing a woman's capacity to feel more, milking her erotic response and delighting in what he can create within her. In my case I could not stand to receive oral sex, it was a curse that followed me as I was hounded for it by partners who were determined to change my mind and I and hated it. Until one day...the most beautiful and sensitive of lips touched mine and began to unravel my protectiveness, touching me in a way that opened rather than forced me to protect the most sensitive area of my body, and it turned into something I adored, loved, craved and turned me on to think about, I literally wake at night now from dreams of this oral magnificence but I digress.
There are two vital parts to cultivating a woman's ability to glean pleasure from her breasts, first her own appreciation of them, and second his physical attention to them.
1. She needs to appreciate and love them, rather than judge them for not being as beautiful as the women you look at on your computer or TV. Comparing and negatively coming up short is a desire and pleasure killer for women. So much of a woman's arousal is about feeling sexy, not about how sexy her man is. Do let her know how much you love her breasts, how beautiful you think they are, what specific things you like about them, what you like about the way they feel, the way they respond. Depending on the woman it may not sink in immediately so just keep at it. The negative programming that we are exposed to about our bodies is pervasive and constant, be the stronger force. Do this verbal appreciation in conjunction with physical appreciation later outlined. The elimination of shame and judgement, replaced with love and appreciation is crucial to developing one's sensuality and sexual pleasure capacity. If you're a woman reading this, you need to adore your breasts and that means stop putting them down, even in your head. Do what it takes to revere them as the wonderful gifts they are. If you have body image issues, I recommend faster EFT and massage to come to terms with any pervasive negative self talk.
2. Physical appreciation of the breasts. Lets start by changing our approach to breast attention in the first place. They're not just there to look at! I propose viewing breast play as something complete, to be savoured and enjoyed fully rather than a mere appetizer or way to get to something else. Just as one might give a lover a full back and shoulder massage to show you care and to make them feel better, a full breast massage should be done regularly as well. When an activity is slowed down every single detail can be experienced with more intensity and awareness than could ever be found if it was hurried. I cannot stress enough that you must not hurry. If you tend to rush, are inexperienced or run out of things to do, put on a movie to cuddle to. That way you have one to two hours of time where you're up close and can settle down without feeling like you need to get something done right away. Most men like to push you to get turned on faster than is optimal for full arousal. Guys, it's not like we can't push out an orgasm quickly but what's the point? Isn't this about feeling good? Don't get distracted and impatient and start pushing to move in once you witness her pleasure. Be patient, it's a sign of maturity and manliness. Women love to be teased, and you can't tease if you're less patient than she is.
Approach her body with curiosity and respect. There is a time and a place for shoving someone against a wall, kissing her hard and then shoving yourself inside of her in a frenzied heat and passion. But right now I'm talking conscious touch and connection, not wild adrenaline based mating patterns.
Nestle your body against hers so that you are both comfortable. Spooning is a great position for this, as is sitting semi upright, say on a couch or bed, and having her sit between your legs, head resting on your chest. After a period of contact and holding, when you feel her body relax and settle down, begin to caress her body by stroking her arms and shoulders. Softly, notice the texture of her skin and body hair. Massage her hands and kiss them. Kiss her temples and forehead, inhale her scents, stroke and touch the sides of her neck and below the collar bone, rub her temples and scalp, kiss her earlobes. Touch all of these places to begin to rouse and prepare her body, please understand that if you go for the most sensitive parts first you desensitize rather than wake up the body, so steer clear of her nipples no matter how tempting it may be to reach for them. Do not reach around to massage her vulva, even if she starts to wiggle demandingly. Instead, run your hand up and down her hips and thighs, avoiding the groin and instead circling her belly. You are in control here, and you are going to help her to slow down and feel more pleasure. Women love to be teased. Take breaks where you rest your hands warmly on her chest, thighs or lower abdomen and run your hands through her hair. Begin to circle the breasts slowly without touching the nipples, and cup them in a restful manner. Apply some pressure as you cup them and run the flats of your hands over the outside of the breasts. Then stop, and come back up to the neck and ears. In avoiding the nipples and areola you will build anticipation and desire for them to be touched. As you touch the other parts of her, pay attention to how she is responding, what are you doing and where when she gasps, arches her back, moves her hips, presses her bum into you.
What touch or type of kiss makes her nipples get hard? I know I have a few favourite spots on my neck, shoulders and underarms that seem to literally tug at my nipples hardening them and causing them to ache in erotic anticipation of being touched, the touch that sends a direct line to my pussy. Every person has a delicious map of pleasure points that you can take advantage of if you know them. If her clothes are still on run your flat hand over the nipple – without tweaking, just to increase awareness, and run your hand in figure eights circling the breasts. Not just one or two times, but for a while.
Go slower than you think you should. If you can reach, don't neglect her ribcage, back and front, trace along the under arm and eventually begin to trace just outside of the areola, finally testing out the response of her nipples. Rest your finger over the centres with gentle pressure, and then placing your fingers over the breast like a cage, draw them up to the centre surrounding the nipple and squeeze. From here playing with what feels good to the nipples and areola is in your hands, and mouth. In case you have not yet caught on you are going to tease her until she feels like she is going to die. Start with the least intense and work your way up so as to not overstimulate. Occasionally rest your flat hand on the centre of her chest between her breasts so your middle finger is touching the base of her neck. Rest with a gentle but firm pressure for several breaths. This is not a time where you have to have all the answers and sequential moves to make her come, it's exploration and fun, as you explore in this leisurely fashion you can observe exactly how she responds to different types of touch in different areas. It's informative, as well as hot. If she is nervous encourage her by expressing how much you enjoy touching her and how sexy your find her body or breasts.
Positive re-enforcement works. Period. The breasts may not start off as extremely responsive and sexual, but a sensitive breast connoisseur can develop them. This makes for better sex over all, even if you're not going the whole way to orgasm from breasts alone. Arouse your partner as much as possible from one area, and then when the returns start to diminish and move on to another and bring her to the peak, and then yet another – each builds on the last and the final result is so much more than if you simply make a beeline to orgasm by diving down between her legs and going for it.
Finally, I believe they are good for relationships. I cannot stress the importance of regular touch in the maintenance of affection and love for each other. Anyone can love logically, but the physical reminders and cultivation of intimacy through touch is necessary for optimal health and satisfaction. People need touch, period. Loving touch brings you back and centres you with your partner. Oxytocin is a hormone that is responsible for bonding and attachment, as well as for increasing trust and empathy. It's released during breastfeeding, after orgasm, and via nipple stimulation. That is right, you actually create the physical manifestation of love, or at least bonding and attachment, through stimulation of the breasts and nipples. I never feel more cared about physically, intimately and emotionally than I do when receiving a lot of good breast attention. It opens my heart in ways that are so profound I find it impossible to describe in writing. Try it out yourself, make her feel good and she will adore you. Trust me on this one.
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