There is no longer an excuse to complain about your boring sex life
“I just wish my spouse would be more creative in the bedroom”
“I wish she would be open to spanking me (or being spanked, or letting me get off by sucking her toes, or put me in chastity for a period of time whilst teasing me, or any other somewhat alternative thing) but she would never ever ever do that or let me do that.”
Often the person (male or female) with more desire and creativity, or at least more boredom in the bedroom has a variation of a lament that their partner simply is not open to expanding their sexual repertoire and would never be.
THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE. It is only true within the current context.
1. Make a list of all of the limiting statements you have about your partner sexually
2. Now answer the question, what do *I* do to make it safe and enjoyable for my partner/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend to express themselves sexually? Hint, if they’re not expressing themselves, then what you’re doing is not working. If it’s not working, then change it!
Did you know that there is a specific sequence of steps and actions that you can take to introduce almost ANY activity into your sexual repertoire and turn it into an exciting erotic addition to your couples toolbox, even if at first it is something that one of you finds repulsive or not a turn on? It has nothing to do with manipulation, coercion, or one person “tolerating” an activity in order to please another. This is the heart of ethical sexual exploration.
Did you know that for even the most vanilla “boring” and uncreative sexual persons, people with NO sexual imagination, simply the act of making more activities erotic turn ons stimulates desire and more sexual creativity? There is a secret to this, and to getting someone turned on by specific things. If this is not making sense to you, consider these situations. Lets pretend that I do not enjoy a wide variety of sexual activities (haha)… and that my partner is wild about foot worship, being spanked and spanking, and a really strange position. And lets pretend those things really REALLY do nothing for me and we never engage in them because I do not like them and he really cares about my pleasure. But he is wild about those three things and because he can’t get them fantasizes about them, sneaks away and watches porn that contains them and wishes I would like them. It becomes a bone of contention and source of friction within the relationship. Now wouldn’t it be nice if I found those things very arousing so that we could both enjoy them? Not as a compromise to me, but as an addition as an enhancement and as more things to enjoy. Heck yes, and it’s very easy and fun to do. Now lets say that my favourite thing in the world is receiving oral sex and he does it because I want it but does not get much out of it. Wouldn’t it be more fun for us if GIVING it to me put him into an orgasmic state of excitement?
The point of this post is, if you’re sitting around complaining about how unexciting and unvaried your sexual life is, you are creating that situation for yourself. You have options, and whether you choose to exercise them will determine your satisfaction in this area of life. Empower yourself sexually and learn the steps to a varied and enjoyable life with no compromise. Sex with another person is a dynamic feedback loop that requires attention, feedback, and constant adaptations and shifts and the pleasure it brings is worth the effort put into it.
I’m really excited to be teaching these things, and more on October 15th and 16th, at my Ethical Erotic Hypnosis course taught at 401 Richmond St West in Toronto. Join us for a great time!
I always recommend for clients looking to improve their sexuality to include yoga in their lifestyle. This is not news, it’s heard in magazines and is a trendy thing to recommend.
At first the benefits seem obvious, but they go much deeper than sensational headlines. Yoga will improve your ability to HAVE sex on a physical level by increasing strength, the ability to move your body, and flexibility. More importantly, it will also improve your ability to be fully present in your body and to your partner during sex and experience more pleasure, have better orgasms and if you’re a man even things like lasting longer or maintaining an erection.
Part of sex is physical, our bodies move, muscles contract and we get into positions. To do this easily is a bonus since being pain free and having less effort is all important for pleasure. The other part is mental and yoga uses movement and breath to focus. During sex, you use movement and sensation, breath and touch and focused attention on your partner to create an experience. Without the ability to be present and focus, to get out of your head and into your body things happen like: lack of arousal, inability to orgasm loss of erection or premature ejaculation, circular, excessive, or self conscious intrusive thoughts that interfere with your ability to make the most of your experiences.
Most yoga studios have intro specials for the first month to let you test run the studio. I cannot stress enough how important it is to get a good instructor and a class that is appropriate for your fitness level and personality. Remember, yoga is for every age, gender and every body, not just the media-promoted spandex clad “yoga body” types. It can improve your health, your emotions, body image and sex life, you may even run across a Sensualist Yoga for Women class at your local studio. Give it a try!
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