 I love orgasms. I mean really love orgasms, importance and life enhancing benefits of regular orgasms are obvious to anyone who has experienced them. The enjoyment of personal expression, passion, connection, the cocktail of feel-good hormones and health-promoting neurotransmitters, the glorious afterglow, full body and mind relaxation, and positivity towards your partner if the orgasm was not self induced.
I sat down to write this article without a goal in mind. Scanning my feelings, I realized that while I love orgasms, I am not indiscriminate about them. Men often wonder why, if they are so eager and willing to provide orgasms, (and they are, bless them, men are wonderful in that they absolutely love to give women orgasms...as many as we need, as long as it takes! They will work for us!) then why would any woman in her right mind say no to all that? This can be baffling to anyone who has a healthy sex drive. I'm here to say that “all that” is not always all that, and that the path to orgasm needs to be reconsidered, and turned into an experience of pleasure and trust, savouring and enjoying each sensation as arousal builds upon itself and being immersed in every moment from start to finish. This is just as important, or I would say even more important than the orgasm itself. It is a difficult concept to understand unless you have actually wallowed in pleasure so great that you are literally out of your mind. Luckily, this state has the effect of increasing the intensity and pleasure of the orgasm so it's a win-win situation. I'm going to back up here and tell you a few things that I've noticed as a woman, a massage therapist, and as a sensualist and hypnotist. People deprive themselves of vast quantities of pleasure because they are too impatient and goal oriented. That is right. You are likely a mediocre lover because you're too impatient and fixated on getting your partner there, getting yourself there, or, god forbid, getting it over with, and have no idea how to optimally create or feel pleasure for pleasure's sake. Pleasure is a beautiful and healthy state to be in! It's not a guilty indulgence, something to be pushed aside until one day when you have nothing better or more important to do; it should be a priority for your own health and the health of the relationship you're in, if you're in one. I have rushed myself through hundreds, if not thousands of lacklustre orgasms pushed at me, and pressured on me by men who wanted to feel good about themselves because “I came.” Yes, I said it. Often I have just come to get it over with. It was not a great achievement on his part, though he was smug and felt he did his job. The time has come to remedy this pleasure deficit and truly realize the full potential of these beautiful bodies through which we experience life. Where to start? First of all, realize that you've had the misfortune of being conditioned through media and a lot of false information. What we're shown is not an accurate portrayal of the natural process of arousal and orgasm, but it is designed to be exciting for you to look at. Enjoy it for what it is, and consider real life to be something else entirely. Second: Know that pleasure starts in the mind. The mind is behind the body's experience of arousal and pleasure of all kinds, so knowing that it starts there is a major step. Be open to the idea that you can learn. Erotic hypnosis, tantric massage, sensual meditation. Step outside the usual “use this technique and touch her here to drive her crazy” advice and learn more advanced principles of pleasure. Not only is this kind of pleasure addictive, it opens the heart, opens the mind, is incredibly satisfying in itself and automatically leads to incredible, incredible orgasms. And it's a rare man with the patience and knowledge to do it. Most of them are so desperate to prove themselves through a woman's orgasm that they push on through right to it, removing the majority of pleasure, passion and excitement on the way. It’s time to step up the pleasure quotient in life and start to recognize and enjoy the full process of female orgasms for the beautiful, powerful, emotional and pleasure-filled experiences that they should be, rather than the elusive, strung out and fleeting pulsations of an orgasm created just to prove a “job done.”
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Having regular sex ultimately is proven to be the most effective anti-aging treatment there is.“ – John Gray, PhD,
Best-selling author of Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus |