Adult Population Rife with Poor Sexual Skills

The longer I am in this field, the more it becomes apparent:  Most people never do much to develop themselves sexually over a lifetime.  It is not surprising that couples are plagued with dissatisfaction, disinterest and sexual frustration, and that people are confused when their intimate lives are not satisfying, they have sexual dysfunction, or non existent desire. Sexuality must be tended to, refined, developed, given attention and care to.  I am not sure why people expect this to be any different than any other aspect of our selves. 

Sexuality must be tended to, refined, developed, given attention and care to.  I am not sure why people expect this to be any different than any other aspect of our selves. 

I liken it to a three year old who has delighted in the discovery of a piano.  He bangs on the keys, climbs all over the bench, jumping up and down and finds joy in his own energy and discovery, and that he can make NOISE by banging on the keys.  He then discovers that there are different parts of the piano that make different noises and that he can bang louder or softer, stay on a single note.   Now,  if the child does not refine his musical ability several things happen.

• It becomes limiting and boring due to lack of variety and nuance in expression
  
  
• As he grows bigger, his clumsy attempts to create louder or more exciting sounds become damaging to the instrument, he may even break the keys or the strings
  
  
• His lack of skill means that he cannot express himself, his mind, his feelings through the music made
  
  
• His lack of skill and refinement means that OTHERS listening or playing with him are only going to be able to connect and enjoy at the level of his playing.   Fun for kids, but to the refined ear it is painful, crude, and after a brief period truly there is no longer interest in interacting with his music. 
  

I used music as a sexual analogy but you can use any true skill that works for you.  We have the innate desire to mate, but as a satisfying practice beyond simple procreation, sexuality is developed either deliberately or by default.  Skilled cooks learn from a mentor, skilled musicians learn from a tutor, singers, athletes, people who are developed and refined have studied and practised. This is why I am a big proponent of highly skilled sensual bodywork exploration,  it helps to discover and develop your sensual capacity.  Using popular media as a sexual education tool is akin to watching reality TV to enhance your view of the world and develop cultural sophistication.  Given that an integral part of our satisfaction in life has to do with our Primary Relationship, our spouse, partner.. the one we love and live with, and that intimate relating is KEY to maintaining that satisfaction, I believe it is well worth putting the effort into.