 "Can you fix my erections?"
is probably the most common question I get, closely followed by "Can you make me have better orgasms or orgasm with my partner" from women. Unlike pharmaceutical pushing organizations and click bait business that prey on the desperation of males who suffer from ED I am going to tell you my take on it, honestly, instead of lying and promising that "this one weird trick will give you rock hard erections." How often have you read that crap? The fact is that erections are a normal part of healthy physiology and when they stop occurring in natural situations, such as during sexually exciting discourse they are an INDICATOR that something is wrong. The penis is the flag, and instead of standing up it droops, lags and stays soft instead of reaching it's full potential. It needs to be approached on a holistic level, understanding the things a penis needs for health and function are important for recovery -- whether the issue is psychological in nature (most cases are) or physical. Can the physical causes be remedied? Yes, often they can when a man is willing to put in the work and make the life changes. When physical in nature I aim to help the man understand what is going on and what needs to be done. When psychological in nature, I offer resources or direct change-work via trance to help access the best states for generating powerful erections, arousal and pleasure. It is also a fact that in a few (not the majority) cases sometimes the physical causes will not change. At least not yet, and not according to my knowledge. I am VERY passionate about the subject, so my opinions are subject to change as I learn more or learn better. So lets take a man in his late 60s, early 70s who has had diabetes for years and has not had an erection in decades. It does not look like he will regain erectile function, and yet, he has an overwhelming desire for intimacy and sexual connection in his life. It is not over! Penis in vagina penetration is such a small part of the entire picture when it comes to fulfilling sexuality. For these cases, I can teach you (and your partner) to have beautiful, erotic, highly pleasurable highly satisfying sex without needing to have an erection. Can't ejaculate either? Many men can ejaculate without erections, but did you know that you can have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms that are every bit as enjoyable as an ejaculation? Contact me today for information and REAL (not inflated click bait bullshit) solutions and attention to an extremely important subject. in a man's life. Compassion and discretion guaranteed. Lets work on this together and get you enjoying the sex life you desire.  Photo of not me being kissed and pleasured. I’ve noticed something that I could talk about theoretically for days but will instead share a story. My body likes a variety of touches and there is no telling what I will like or when. I am fortunate enough to have a lover that REALLY genuinely enthusiastically enjoys touching me in ways that produce pleasure and arousal. So this one time, when sexually engaged, I realized that a very specific touch felt very good. It lasted only a moment and was a gentle brushing of the outer labia. It was heaven, and the thought that came to mind so briefly that I almost did not recognize it was that I wish I could feel that touch all day. This was a fraction of a second, an almost imperceptible flash. Logically, I knew that after a few minutes it would reach the point of diminishing returns and need to change but in that moment that is how I felt. My partner was just doing his thing, touching me in ways he knows arouses me but I didn’t want them I just wanted that silky graze. This is the moment that so many people struggle with, that so many people miss. I would like to help you navigate this moment keeping the following points in mind. First of all, be aware enough to REALIZE the desire for something specific. The sensation can happen quickly, and being able to formulate thoughts around it, and then change those thoughts into words takes practice and self awareness. Being caught in a circular pattern of thoughts, distractions, anxieties will guarantee that you will miss it. No lover is a mind reader and “hope and hints” will never ever create the lover of your dreams out of someone who is willing. Second, having the vulnerability to ask for it, knowing that it may or may not be given is very important. Lots of people shut down because a request that felt vulnerable was not received or acted upon. What I’ve noticed, is that what seems clear and obvious to us, is often not clear and obvious to a partner, even when we think it should be. Third, the communication dynamic which permits your lover to not feel like you’re micromanaging his or her touch. And I suggest many discussions about this to help both of you through what can be a difficult dynamic depending on triggers. One of the most degrading things I heard from a man, was that he did not want to do things that aroused me (versus treating my body and doing stuff that got him off) because it made him feel like he was being micro managed sexually. There is a time and a place for bulldozing or ploughing your way through a fuck fest, but lets be honest, if a woman is going to want more it’s got to be pleasurable for her too. In that circumstance there was no second chance. In marriages, that kind of attitude turns desire into disgust. So what happened? Well I said hey that feels amazing and I would like a lot more of that, and I got it. Later, in a conversation, I admitted that I had the thought that I just wanted to lie there for ages feeling that one very specificc sensation. My partner requested that I tell him when that kind of thing comes up and I said okay, it was interesting that it was so hard to even recognize and act on, even for me. In exploratory bodywork sessions (not strictly pleasure ones), I do not let people get away with unexpressed desires. In fact, I “ruin the mood” by insisting that they step out of their comfort zone and describe what it is they want to feel. What feels better? How can this be even better? The take home: With sexuality in long term relationships shitty sex does not have the luxury of riding the wave of new relationship energy and desire. Sex has to be good, there needs to be an honesty in communication, and a self awareness and yes, an honest desire for the other to experience pleasure. You need to care about your partner’s pleasure, not just your own gratification.I’ve written this from the female perspective, but find that men have trouble speaking up as well. Talk guys, and if you can’t talk to each other, talk to me and I can help you relate in ways that the other can hear. Do you need to talk to someone about this, or another pressing intimate concern? I do distance consultations via skype, facetime and telephone. Get in touch! |