Usually when a client comes to me wanting to last longer, they are hoping that I will give them some kind of simple technique that will make them last like the guys they see in porn. Or at least, dear god until she comes. Somewhere in there though is the fantasy of the virile jackhammer.
The problem is that when sexual experiences are centred around something like that it tends to overpower the other, more important things. I will offer a few ideas.
The overriding intent is to increase the pleasure quotient of the sexual experience as a whole. Period. Statistics such as number of orgasms, minutes spent on intercourse, and so on are not important.
It's not just him. I believe that sensitizing and waking up the female body is a crucial element to sexual satisfaction. A man can pound away at something for a long time, but if it's numb, pounding harder will increase sensation, probably give orgasms, but how much actual pleasure will she really feel? Sometimes those grunts and screams are not indicative of the actual degree of pleasure being experienced. I used to think sex was amazing in my early 20s... but I will say without a shred of exaggeration that I feel more erotic pleasure throughout my entire body from my current lover nibbling on non genital erogenous zones and caressing me gently than I did in my best climaxes and “wild” sex back then. The ability to feel pleasure can be developed so that the the slightest nuance is ecstatic and the kind of mechanical vigorous thrusting that sends a man with PE over the edge, is not necessary for hours.
Developing control. He needs to develop muscle control, focus and awareness of erotic sensations, all sensations not just the one that tells him when he's going over the edge. Work on the ability to sense and experience erotic nuance, sensuality and sexual master is an art, it takes effort! Did you know that ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing? Through the same exercises used to develop control over PE you can teach yourself to orgasm without ejaculation or losing your erection. The more aware he is of subtle nuance, the more each stroke can fill his entire being, and hers, with sensation, and he ride the wave below the point of no return for as long as he wishes. Cars aren't my thing but think high performance race car sensitivity compared to bouncy old clunker at the farm.
When both partners are sensitive and in tune, lovemaking is refined to a practice that is always extremely pleasurable, communication flows, disappointment does not exist, and there is a spirit of exploration and playfulness which allows the channels to remain open and for you to prolong lovemaking as much or as little as you wish.
Being accused of selfishness is a common and effective manipulative tactic, wielded by people who are accustomed to having you do what they want. So common, most people do not even recognize it for what it is. I believe that most of us naturally do want to see others happy and receive pleasure in giving, it's part of being a healthy human being.
One of the most beautiful things I have ever “felt” was to be witnessed for all that I am and loved for it. It was such an unfamiliar thing, and to be honest, still something that doesn't quite fit, like new leather boots not yet become supple to the point of being a second skin.
Lovers, one of the greatest gifts you can give the one you love is to honour who they are. Unconditionally. See them clearly, rather than through the narrow filters of judgments created by your upbringing, past hurts and insecurities. The idealization of a person, rather than the realization. Idealization is confining, realization is freeing.
People, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to view the rest of humanity that way.
"my super vigantastically mystical feminine goddess core" oh yes ;)
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